As we enter the season of shamrocks and green beer, I'm reminded of a gift I bought for my sister, Brenda many years ago. I was at Victoria's Secret and, along with my other purchases, I picked up a kelly-green thong, thinking I'd wrap it up and surprise my sibling with it.
I've been wearing thongs for some time. I like the way they provide No Visible Panty Lines. (N.V.P.L.) Sidenote: My apologies to those who prefer traditional underwear if this post is a bit too risqué for your liking. I know thongs are not your momma's underwear! #itsathongthing #thethingaboutthongs #victoriassecret #novisibilepantylines
Well, my sweet sister called me after finding the green thong where I'd hidden it in plain view in her kitchen. "Is this a joke?" she asked. "What am I supposed to do with this thing?"
"It's a St. Paddy's Day gift!" I exclaimed. "Don't you like it?"
Long story short, she didn't like it. She also had no intention of wearing it but was too kind to tell me. "Thanks," she said. "That was really . . . different."
Not long after that, I noticed her then-husband had wrapped the green thong around the base of his truck's rear-view mirror. It lived there for the better part of a year before becoming stained from the sun and discarded. Or so I thought . . .
I was checking the mail one day when I noticed a bulky envelope shoved into the back of my mailbox. Curious, I checked for a return address and saw it had been mailed from North Pole, Alaska. Interesting, I thought, wondering what it could be.
Eager to see what I'd received, I tore the envelope open as I walked inside the house. To my absolute delight, there it was—the green thong! Still bearing it's original Victoria's Secret price tag and several shades lighter than it'd started out, the green thong was now back in my possession. I didn't bother looking for a note, knowing there wouldn't be one. Game on! I thought.
After that, the green thong was passed along between my family and close friends. You never knew where or when it might reappear—that was part of the fun. There were also no rules to the game and we rarely spoke of it. Here are some of the most memorable times I can recall receiving what I refer to now as "A Random Act of Thong":
* It appeared in a box of Kleenex. Someone had removed all the tissues and woven it into the contents so that it would pull pop up when I went to remove one. (Full disclosure, I'm pretty certain my mom was behind this because she kept asking me if I'd seen the thong lately. It must have taken months for me to work my way down to it at the bottom of the Kleenex box which I'm sure was driving her crazy!)
* It was pressed under the glass of one of my favorite pieces of art. Although I walked past this painting several times a day, I didn't notice it for a couple of weeks!
* The thong was served to my mother at The Mansion in Dallas at her 60th birthday party. The waiter brought it to her and did a masterful job of presenting her "entrée" pulling off the metal plate cover to reveal the flimsy, faded piece of underwear (with garnish) on her dinner plate.
* One of my kids received a Teddy Bear wearing nothing but—you guessed it—the green thong.
* While traveling, I heard a knock on my hotel room door. "Room service," someone called. Knowing I hadn't ordered anything, I cracked the door open with the security chain still in place. Looking down, I spotted a large, brown box sitting just outside my room. I shook my head and pulled it inside. The green thong strikes again! I thought. That time there was no note and no indication of where it'd been sent from. When I opened the box, the thong was lying at the bottom amidst layers of pink tissue paper.
When my mom passed away in 2011, I decided it was time to retire the green thong. I still have it around here somewhere. She took such delight in finding clever ways to weave all of us into the mysterious journey of the traveling green thong, it seems wrong to continue the exchanges without her. These days I limit my of "Random Acts of Thong" to close friends and family.
For those who know me; be prepared. You just might be the recipient of a scandalous piece of "risqué" underwear arriving just when you least expect it!
Closet ClotheSure Week Seven: It's A Green Thing!
With St.Paddy's Day in mind, I broke out some of my green this week!
Spoiler alert! One of these things is going bye-bye—stay tuned for the details later this week!
In the meantime, stay safe and be kind! Don't pinch anyone! (that's just mean!) & keep washin' those hands!