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Shining Some Light On Incredible Fat Suckers

In life, we learn that you can suck in your belly, but you can't suck in your thighs! So, like most gals, I'm happy to have a little help "smoothing things out" underneath figure-hugging dresses and skirts.

I love this gif showing Tina Fey in 2015 when she revealed her Spanx on the Late Show with David Letterman. She explained: "I don’t know if you’re aware of the contraptions under here. It’s almost medical.” #tinafeyrocks #lastdressever #boldlady

Since I've been promising a post about body-smoothers (or, as I fondly refer to them: Incredible Fat Suckers), I figured today would be a great day to do so.

I've found that not all Incredible Fat Suckers are created equal. In fact, some are so uncomfortable they should be banned.

Although I don't love wearing them, the right Incredible Fat Sucker can make a difference in how your clothes fit. (Ideally, you'll be able to breathe when wearing one!) My favorite is a waist-high pair of sheer shorts by Maidenform. These are basically fashioned after the original Spanx concept—the control-top part of a pair of pantyhose. The first pair I purchased was way too tight and ended up in the trash. I learned the hard way to buy the next larger size.

As I've been doing The Great Closet ClotheSure Challenge of 2020, I've also been purging undergarments that I no longer wear. Some of the first items to go bye-bye were the suffocating fat suckers I'd been hanging onto. (I have no idea why I kept them, they were just taking up space in my lingerie drawers) I believe there's a special place in hell for these things!

While I love my waist-high Incredible Fat Sucker, (I'm wearing one under the center and right-hand photos) sometimes I need a little more help "pulling it all together!" The yellow dress on the left from Gabrielle Union Collection #newyorkandcompany is a good example because it has no defined waistline—just a continuous flow of fabric up to the neckline. For this body-hugging number, I chose an Incredible Fat Sucker which includes the waist-line and pulls up to just under my bust-line.

I learned the hard way about fat suckers that pull up this high. It would seem the old law of gravity holds true: What goes up, must come down! #highmaintenanceunderwear

In other words, if you don't invest in the right garment, the thing is going to slip down to your waistline giving you mucho unflattering rings underneath your dress. (definitely not incredible!) #whowantsextrarolls #keepthingssmooth #smoothdressing

The challenge here is that you want something that pulls up and over your middle section, but it has to be tight enough to stay put. That doesn't seem like too much to ask, does it? (Oh yeah, don't forget the breathing thing!) I'll confess I went through several brands before settling once again on a Maidenform option that is reasonably comfortable (hey, fat-sucking is not for the weak!) and remains in place throughout the day. #maidenformshapewear

One of my favorite scenes in 2017's Wonder Woman movie starring the beautiful Gal Gadot, revolves around support garments. The scene, set in a department store, shows a harried saleswoman trying to explain to Wonder Woman why she needs to wear a girdle. Because Gal Gadot doesn't have an ounce of fat on her, she doesn't understand why she needs anything to "hold everything in." #wonderwomanmovie #galgadot #everywomanisawonderwoman #wonderwomenareeverywhere

Interestingly enough, when Gal Gadot was on Jimmy Fallon's show, she confessed that she almost passed out because of the Wonder Woman costume was so tight. Ah, the price we pay to look our best . . .

Joining the non-incredible fat suckers in the garbage bin were also:

1. A full-body air-depriving creation which basically required me to remove all my clothing when nature called. (I'm a big water drinker and nature calls far too often for this thing to make sense!) I guess I could see wearing something like this for a one (max two)hour event.

2. A funky tube-shaped garment made of lycra I picked up at Kohls. My sister, Brenda referred to this as "The Sausage." As you can probably imagine, with nothing but a light elastic band around the top to hold it up, The Sausage did not remain in place and ended up in my office trashcan! #notgonnawearit

3. A waist-high, long-legged pair of basically compression tights. I remember buying this after investing in a sheer pair of white silk pants. Full disclosure—I gave the pants away years ago and found the tights at the bottom of one of my drawers where they'd been forever! #shameonmeforkeepingthem #takingupspace #goodbyetightpants


In my personal quest to feel like a ten in all of my outfits, I'll happily don my tried and trusted Incredible Fat Suckers. However, these days I'm drawing the line at wearing anything that is too tight or uncomfortable! #tootightisnotalright #breathebetter #underneathitall #loveitorloseit #feelinlikeaten #closetclothesure

"Spanx" for reading!!! Monica


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